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Finding Mr. Or Ms. Perfect
Children’s limited experience of life makes them believe that their parents are always good and that adults can always be trusted. Carried over into adult life and love, this way of thinking forms the psychology of the first summit—the first period...
Holiday Times Are For Helping Those Less Fortunate, Think Holiday Cards
Every year I watch as advertisers begin to promote their products for the Holiday Period. For retail this is their busiest time and sales usually make or break a company's year. I'm not here to play scrooge, I would however like people to think a...
Lessons from the Garden
Sometimes it just takes a little faith to sustain us as we patiently await the cow manure, fertilizer, and water to be added.
Lessons from the Garden
I was not a big fan of the television network war coverage. Television network coverage of...
MANAGING YOUR EVERY DAY STRESSES AND ANXIETIES
Looking for all of the answers in how to manage your persistent
anxieties and stresses? As an author of a managing fear book, I
found it difficult to find all of the answers in managing my
anxieties. Although I am a layman and not a...
Taking the Love Quiz
Q. Is there anything real behind a love quiz?
A. Good question. The answer is "maybe, maybe not". You see, the value of a love quiz depends upon who designed it and what the purpose of the love quiz is. If it was written by a magazine writer,...
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take the child's perspective
Over 90 per cent of American parents rely on physical punishment to correct children’s behavior, according to The Journal of Sociology. 1999.
That statistic scares me. I’d like every parent or person in a position of trust to take the child’s perspective before you impose physical punishment.
How would feel if you were only three feet tall and an adult was looming over you, yelling, screaming, and swinging their hands in your direction? Consider the fear this could instill. Imagine the confusion as the person who is supposed to nurture you, and provide you with safety, imposes some level of inescapable pain on you. Would you scream, cry, act out, or run away?
We should ask ourselves, “What are we teaching children by imposing physical punishment?” I see a moral paradox in teaching a child not to hit by hitting them or teaching them not to scream by yelling at them.
One of the most trying times in many parents day is bedtime. Parents seem to think that children should automatically fall asleep. Perhaps paddling or shouting will intimidate them enough to “shut up and go to sleep” when it’s not automatic. Take the child’s perspective. Have you ever had insomnia? Would getting slapped out of frustration convince you to fall asleep? Have you ever tossed and
turned all night? Do you sleep well when you’re scared? Children are no different.
Adults have options to help them get to sleep. Children are required to lay in bed, quiet and still whether they are tired or not. Eventually, they’ll sleep but consider the trauma they may experience in the process.
Behavioral psychology teaches that rewarding positive behavior is more effective than punishing undesirable behavior. Developmental psychology has found soothing sounds, calm environments, and structure positively impact behavior.
Stop punishing and start rewarding. Figure out what you want your children to do and reward them for it. Rewards can be complimenting and praising them, small pieces of candy, time spent playing a favorite game, time spent watching a favorite television show, or anything else special to the child. Acknowledge them as children who are loved and nurtured.
High energy, breaking things, not paying attention, spilling things, running wild and being loud are part of being a child. Children are not miniature adults and shouldn’t be expected to act like adults.
About the Author
Darrin F. Coe holds a master's degree in professional psychology and is the father of two pre-school boys. contact at http://dcoe1.tripod.com
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